Anekdotas

Skambutis į duris. Vyras atidaro – ten uošvė. - O! Laba diena, mama. Ar ilgam atvykot? - Na, kol neatsibosiu… - Tai ką, net arbatos neišgersit?

Anekdotas

Tėvas, motina ir sūnus iš vidurio kaimo glūdumos pirmąkart atvažiuoja į didmiestį... Vaikščioja po didžiulį prekybos ir pramogų centrą. Motina nueina į maisto skyrių, o tėvas su sūnum vaikštinėja kur papuolė. Jų žvilgsnį patraukia keistos durys sienoje. Prie tų durų prieina sena sena šluba raiša bobutė. Virš durų degantis skaičius "10" ima mažėti - 9_____8____7_____6 ir tt. Kai užsidega skaičius "1" prasidaro durys į kažkokią dėžę įeina senutė ir durims užsidarius skaičius vėl ima didėti... Didėja iki dešimties, po to vėl ima mažėti.. iki vieneto... Prasiveria durys ir iš tos pačios dėžės išeina įspūdingų formų blondinė... Tėvas su sūnum žiūri netekę žado... Staiga tėvas atsičiūchines ir visu balsu subliauna: -Motiną čia atvesk greitai...

Vos atlaike ratai lektuvui

anekdotas 03

Mergina atėjo pas ginekologą. Nusirengė, praskėtė kojas. Gydytojas sako: - Aukščiau! Mergina pakėlė kojas aukščiau. Gydytojas sako: - Aukščiau! Mergina pakėlė dar aukščiau. Gydytojas jau rėkia: - Aukščiau!!! Mergina: - Na kur jau čia dar aukščiau? Nebegaliu daugiau! Gydytojas: - Ginekologo kabinetas aukštu aukščiau! Čia kirpykla!

Reasons I Check My Voicemail 1% To Hear The Messasge 99%

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N*ggas Be At The Club Like…

Meme 3

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meme 1

Anekdotas 02

Prireikė vaikinui iš pirmo aukšto lygintuvo. Nusprendė užlipti i 12-tą aukštą pas kaimynę pasiskolinti. Lipa ir galvoja: "Na va, aš paskambinsiu, ji atidarys, pakvies užeiti, pavaišins kava. Paskui kokio brendžiuko prie kavos. Degtinės... pasiliksiu ilgiau, kalbėsim, paskui karšta naktis, tapsim meilužiais, paskui vestuvės... vaikai... Ji man atsibos, susirasiu meilužę, ji mane demaskuos, netyčia išstums iš 12 aukšto... ligoninė... visas gyvenimas invalido vežimėly. Tada ji, aišku mane paliks... Taip galvodamas užlipo. Paskambino į duris. Atidaro kaimynė, šypsosi... Vyras susinervinęs: - Žinai ką, eik tu na*** su savo lygintuvu!

Anekdotas 01

Londone į tą patį barą vis mėgdavo užeiti vienas lietuvis ir du lenkai po darbo alaus pasiurbti. Taip ir murksodavo trijulė vos ne kiekviena vakarą su alaus kaušu. Po kurio laiko lietuvis išvyko gimtinėn. Lenkai, likę vieni, atėjo į tą patį barą liūdesio dėl draugo išvykimo aplaistyti. Staiga vienas jų sako kitam: - Klausyk, o ar tu žinojai, kad pas tą lietuvį šiknoje dvi skylės? - Ne! Kaip taip, negali būti!? - pradėjo stebėtis antrasis. - Taip taip, tikrai! Žinok, kiekvieną kartą, kai mes visi trys ateidavom į šitą barą, barmenas mus vis pasveikindavo tardamas "And here it comes - the brave Lithuanian with two assholes!"

Joke 11

A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."

Joke 10

As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman." She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?" A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".

Joke 09

A little girl and boy are fighting about the differences between the sexes, and which one is better. Finally, the boy drops his pants and says, “Here’s something I have that you’ll never have!” The little girl is pretty upset by this, since it is clearly true, and runs home crying. A while later, she comes running back with a smile on her face. She drops her pants and says, “My mommy says that with one of these, I can have as many of those as I want!”

Joke 08

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks the father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?” The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions.” “Onions?” the son asks. “Yes. You see them and they make you cry.” This infuriated his wife and daughter. The daughter asks, “Mom, how many different kinds of willies are there?” The mother smiles and says, “Well, dear, a man goes through three phases also. In his 20s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30s and 40s, it’s like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 50s, it’s like a Christmas tree.” “A Christmas tree?” the daughter asks. “Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration.”

Joke 07

A little girl and boy are fighting about the differences between the sexes, and which one is better. Finally, the boy drops his pants and says, “Here’s something I have that you’ll never have!” The little girl is pretty upset by this, since it is clearly true, and runs home crying. A while later, she comes running back with a smile on her face. She drops her pants and says, “My mommy says that with one of these, I can have as many of those as I want!”

Joke 06

A boy says to a girl, "So, sex at my place?" "Yeah!" "Okay, but I sleep in a bunk bed with my younger brother, and he thinks we're making sandwiches, so we have to have a code. Cheese means faster and tomato means harder, okay?" Later on the girl is yelling, "Cheese cheese, tomato tomato!" The younger brother says, "Stop making sandwiches! You're getting mayo all over my bed!"

Joke 05

A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."

Joke 04

On the roof of a very tall building are four men; one is asian, one is mexican, one is black, and the last one is white. The asian walks to the ledge and says, "This is for all my people" and jumps off the roof. Next, the mexican walks to the ledge and also says, "This is for all my people" and then he jumps off the roof. Next is the black guy's turn. The black guy walks to the ledge and says, "This is for all my people" and then throws the white guy off the roof.

Joke 03

The teacher asked Jimmy, "Why is your cat at school today Jimmy?" Jimmy replied crying, "Because I heard my daddy tell my mommy, 'I am going to eat that p*ssy once Jimmy leaves for school today!'"

Joke 02

In a Catholic school cafeteria, a nun places a note in front of a pile of apples, "Only take one. God is watching." Further down the line is a pile of cookies. A little boy makes his own note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."

Joke 01

A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in. “Mother, where do babies come from?” The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, “Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug, and have sex.” The daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues, “That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy’s vagina. That’s how you get a baby, honey.” The child seems to comprehend. “Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had daddy’s penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?” “Jewelry, my dear. Jewelry.”

Joke

A husband and wife are trying to set up a new password for their computer. The husband puts, "Mypenis," and the wife falls on the ground laughing because on the screen it says, "Error. Not long enough."

Joke

An elderly friend in Northern Canada, still enjoying life, walked into a doughnut shop one afternoon when the temperature was -40 degrees. The attractive young girl at the counter said, "Really cold, isn't it!!" "Sure is. Why don't you and I run away to Hawaii?" And suddenly she turned serious and looked at my friend and wanted to know if he could afford it. Playing along, he said, "I sure can." Still thinking for a moment, the girl finally said, "It's not really that cold."

memes

Anekdotas

Atsikelia vyras po geros pjankės ir absoliučiai nieko neatsimena. Nueina pas žmoną ir klausia:
- Gal atsimeni ką aš vakar dariau?
Žmona atsako:
- Na... Gėrei su draugais, paskambinai man ir girdamasis, kad myži nelaikydamas savo pasididžiavimo, paprašei parvežti namo.
- Ir viskas?
- Na neskaitant to, kad grįžęs apkabinai mano senelį ir sakei: "Dumbuldorai, tu grįžai!", užlipęs į viršų nusirengt davei mūsų sūnui suvalgyti grybą sakydamas: "Imk, užauk Mario", mano mamos paklausei ar ji vis dar nekalta, įlipęs į spintą pradėjai šaukti: "Kur, bl*t, ta Narnija?!", nuėjęs į sūnaus kambarį ištraukei žiurkėną, metei į sieną ir šaukei: "Pikačiu, aš renkuosi tave!", nuėjęs į virtuvę pasiėmei ananasą ir užrėkei: "Kempiniuk, išlįsk, suka!", ir paėmęs mano papūgėles, svaidei jas ir rėkei: "Angry birds! Angry birds!";DD

Joke

The owner of the pub went up to the bartender and asked, "Have you been fooling around with the waitress?"

"Oh no, sir, I sure haven't," replied the bartender.

The owner replied, "Good, then YOU fire her."

Viena is 10 šiurpiausių Amerikos „miesto legendų“, kurios gyvuoja ir šiandien (N-18)

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6. Patersono plentas

Pilietinio karo prisiminimai Hiustone, Teksase tapo pagrindu daugybei miesto legendų. Viena ir kraupiausių sklando apie Patersono plentą, esantį netoli Šeštojo greitkelio.

Istorijos versijos čia įvairios, priklauso nuo to, ko paklausi. Tačiau visi sutinka, kad ten besivaidenančios šmėklos - pilietinio karo kariai. Visi žinome, kad kiekvienas žemės lopinėlis, kur tuo laikotarpiu pabuvojo žmogaus pėda, dabar tapo vaiduoklišku karo židiniu.
Kai kurie įsitikinę, kad naktį užlipus ant Langham Creek tilto Patersone ir pastačius automobilį išjungtomis šviesomis, išgirsi barbenimą ar išvysi, kaip tavo mašiną apgaubia migla. O skeptiškesni vietiniai tiesiog pabrėš, kad pastatęs automobilį išjungtomis šviesomis ant judraus tilto gali pats akimirksniu tapti vaiduokliu.

Teenager stabs girl in the face and beats another black and blue because they called him HARRY POTTER

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A teenager who stabbed a girl in the face and smashed another's head against a fence because they called him HARRY POTTER has been jailed for more than four years.
Ryan Walker wears glasses and has short black hair like the boy wizard created by JK Rowling, and played by actor Daniel Radcliffe in the hit movies.

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Anekdotas

Pirmoji naktis, jaunavedžiai guli lovoje, visur žvakės, romantika, gražuma. Staiga:
- Mielasis, tu žinai, aš juk nekalta ir apie tai... apie seksą šmeksą nieko nežinau. Papasakok man, kas tai?
Vyras, sujaudintas tokio klausimo:
- Be abejo, mano lakštingala! Žiūrėk: pas tave tarp kojų tarkime kalėjimas, o tai, kas pas mane - nusikaltėlis. Dabar imam ir sodiname nusikaltėlį į kalėjimą. Va-a-at taip...
Taip praėjo pirmasis kartas. Vyras patenkintas krenta ant pagalvės, ilsisi, o jaunoji apimta ekstazės:
- Brangusis... O man atrodo, kad nusikaltėlis pabėgo!
- Tikrai? Tuomet reikia jį vėl pasodinti.
Vėl, tik dabar kitose pozose ir t.t. Po eilinio karto vyras visai nekoks krenta ant pagalvės, sunkiai kvėpuoja, iš paskutiniųjų tiesia ranką link cigaretės... Staiga girdi:
- Brangusis... Brangusis! Gal man tik atrodo, bet kalinys vėl pabėgo!
Vyras susinervinęs rėkia:
- Nu bl, juk jam ne iki gyvos galvos davė !

Fotografai nenuleido akių nuo šortukais aptempto Jennifer Lopez užpakaliuko

Kad Pamatytum Straipsini Spausk Mygtuka IDOMU

Po fenomenalaus Shakiros kūrinio „Waka Waka“, tapusios oficialiu 2010 metų pasaulio futbolo čempionato himnu, pasisekimo, galima drąsiai ne mažesnę sėkmę prognozuoti ir šių metų turnyro, įvyksiančio Brazilijoje, himnui.

IDOMU

Pikantiškose nuotraukose - projekto „Šuolis“ užkulisiuose lakstančios pusnuogės merginos

Kad Pamatytum Straipsini Spausk Mygtuka IDOMU

Sekmadienį įvyko didžioji ilgai laukta TV3 premjera „Šuolis“. Prie žydrųjų ekranų masiškai sukvietęs televizijos žiūrovus, projektas leido mėgautis fantastišku reginiu – įstabiais šuoliais į vandenį ir nuostabiais projekte dalyvaujančių merginų kūnais. Tačiau niekas nematė, kas vyksta laidos užkulisiuose, ir ką „Šuolio“ dalyviai veikė prieš tiesioginę transliaciją.

IDOMU

Anekdotas

Eina 35-metė į vaistinę. Susitinka pagyvenusią draugę ir klausia 35-metės:
-Labadiena. Kodėl tokia susiraukusi? Ar vyras susirado meilužę?-
-Blogiau...
-Paliko ir apsiženyjo?
-Blogiau...
-Dar geria?
-Taip.
-Ar jau viską išbandei?
-Viską: ir šantažai, ir grasinimai, ir...
-O bandei pagąsdint?
-O veiksminga? Ačiū už patarimą. Jau 19:50, o vyras grįžta 20:00 pro kapines. Turiu lėkt.
Eina vyras girtas dainuoja: ir balsas sako:
-Aš mirtis...
-Kaip, kaip?
-Aš giltinė!
-Labai malonu - aš vedęs tavo seserį. :)

Joke 303

Ole and Sven were looking at a Sears catalog and admiring the models. Ole says to the Sven, "Have you seen the beautiful girls in this catalog?" Sven replies, "Yes, they are very beautiful. And look at the price!" Ole says, with wide eyes, "Wow, they aren't very expensive. At this price, I'm buying one." Sven smiles and pats him on the back. "Good idea! Order one and if she's as beautiful as she is in the catalog, I will get one too." Sven runs into Ole three weeks later and asks "Did you ever receive the girl you ordered from the Sears catalog? "Ole said, "No, but it shouldn't be long now. I got her clothes yesterday."

Suspect Caught With A LOT Of Jewelry In His Rectum

John Abernethy, the records officer at York County Prison in Pennsylvania, says it’s common for prisoners to hide contraband in their anuses. But the case of a new detainee surprised even him. X-rays taken after Christopher Scheller, 18, crashed a car into a tree in December revealed a cache of stolen jewelry and synthetic marijuana shoved into his rectum, police say. Scheller managed to stow away four bracelets, four necklaces, 11 women’s rings, a socket for a smoking wrench and a bag of weed as an officer approached him following the accident, according to a Southwestern Regional Police bulletin published Jan. 7. “I’ve never personally heard of an inmate going to those extremes,” Abernethy told The Huffington Post. The officer at the scene, suspecting Scheller was driving drunk, followed up at the hospital. Officials there said they had spotted “an abnormality” in his body cavity. Scheller at first was reluctant to extract the goods but later agreed, police noted. The jewelry was found to have been stolen from a home, authorities said. The teen is behind bars and facing a slew of charges, including theft, receiving stolen property and driving under the influence.

Memes

Joke 301

A PGA professional golfer, in an awful car crash, was rushed to the hospital where the surgeon told the pro he had lost his right arm... but that he had good news. The despondent pro said, "There goes my life, Doc." "Not necessarily, my good man." answered the doctor. He said that a lady, a very nice Jewish lady, before dying had donated all of her organs and body parts to anyone who was in need. The surgeon said he could transplant the lady's right arm to the pro golfer. The pro became ecstatic and the operation was a success. Three months later, the pro visited the doctor to tell him his new hand and arm had him winning tournaments right and left. "That's great," said the surgeon. "Not only that, Doc, but my handwriting has improved a thousand percent, I've also taken up oil painting and sold my first canvas for $3000.00." "Unbelievable." said the doctor. "I'm so glad the transplant was such a success." "But there is one problem." the golf pro said. "What's that?" asked the surgeon. "Every time I touch my privates, I get a horrible headache."

Joke 300

A PGA professional golfer, in an awful car crash, was rushed to the hospital where the surgeon told the pro he had lost his right arm... but that he had good news. The despondent pro said, "There goes my life, Doc." "Not necessarily, my good man." answered the doctor. He said that a lady, a very nice Jewish lady, before dying had donated all of her organs and body parts to anyone who was in need. The surgeon said he could transplant the lady's right arm to the pro golfer. The pro became ecstatic and the operation was a success. Three months later, the pro visited the doctor to tell him his new hand and arm had him winning tournaments right and left. "That's great," said the surgeon. "Not only that, Doc, but my handwriting has improved a thousand percent, I've also taken up oil painting and sold my first canvas for $3000.00." "Unbelievable." said the doctor. "I'm so glad the transplant was such a success." "But there is one problem." the golf pro said. "What's that?" asked the surgeon. "Every time I touch my privates, I get a horrible headache."

Joke

As a painless way to save money, a young couple arranged that every time they have sex the husband puts his pocket change into a china piggy bank on the bedside table. One night while being unusually athletic, he accidentally knocked the piggy bank onto the floor where it smashes. To his surprise, among the masses of coins, there are handfuls of five and ten dollar bills. He asks his wife "What's up with all the notes?" To his wife which replies, "Well, not everyone is as cheap as you are."

Joke

A Briton, a Frenchman and a Russian are viewing a painting of Adam and Eve frolicking in the Garden of Eden. "Look at their reserve, their calm," muses the Brit. "They must be British." "Nonsense," the Frenchman disagrees. "They're naked, and so beautiful. Clearly, they are French." "No clothes, no shelter," the Russian points out, "they have
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only an apple to eat, and they're being told this is paradise. They are Russian."
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Joke

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks the father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?” The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions.” “Onions?” the son asks. “Yes. You see them and they make you cry.” This infuriated his wife and daughter. The daughter asks, “Mom, how many different kinds of willies are there?” The mother smiles and says, “Well, dear, a man goes through three phases also. In his 20s, his willy is
  Read more...

like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30s and 40s, it’s like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 50s, it’s like a Christmas tree.” “A Christmas tree?” the daughter asks. “Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration.”
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Joke

A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in. “Mother, where do babies come from?” The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, “Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug, and have sex.” The daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues, “That means the daddy puts his penis in
  Read more...

the mommy’s vagina. That’s how you get a baby, honey.” The child seems to comprehend. “Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had daddy’s penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?” “Jewelry, my dear. Jewelry.”
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Visit our website KlipasTau.com

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 Cesnakinsi Padazas

Kefyras arba grietine maisyta su grietinele
Majonezo Helmans
Raudonelis
Krapai
Petrazoles
Citrinos Ruksties
Druskos Saukstelis
Cukraus Saukstelis
Cesnako granules arba cesnakas smulkiai supjaustitas

Skiesti geriause su grietinele !

Pikantiskas Padazas

Kefyras arba grietine maisyta su grietinele
Majonezo Helmans
Raudonelis
Krapai
Petrazoles
Citrinos Ruksties
Druskos Saukstelis
Cukraus Saukstelis
Keciupas

Skiesti geriause su grietinele !

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